Going to the US? Just don’t be a Fob!
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Congrats! You finally got accepted at an American college and will be relocating to the States temporarily for a few years. Your visa is stamped, ticket booked, bags packed…you’ve arrived! You are great because you have made it to the US! The moment you land in the country everyone will recognize your genius and you will effortlessly impress all-new firang friends with your exotic charm...or not.
We know how exciting it can be to live ‘the American Dream’ in the land of excess. However, do not let this “achievement” get to your head. No doubt you are the life of the party here at Kapurthala or Panipat or maybe even Ghaziabad, but the American lifestyle is just a little different from the Desi one. So instead of dreaming about how easily you are going to floor all the Brown, White, Yellow, Multicoloured ladies with your brains and charm, focus on not falling into the stereotypical trap: of being a Fob.
What is a Fob? I’ll keep my version of the definition to one side and will quote UrbanDictionary.com
- You speak your native language fluently and so do all your friends
- You do not have any non-Indian friends
- When you speak English, you like to make everything plural (Hairs, Popcorns, or Furnitures)
- You cannot dance
- Your fashion sense comes from whatever country you're from and you incorporate nothing from American fashion into your wardrobe
A sample of their English: "I no fob, I having good English!"
Alright, I agree this definition is a bit extreme. Not every fob is bad at English and some can dance decently. But there are a few things that the Americans consider fobby. Says Puneet Sandhu, a resident of New Jersey, “Fobs are those Indians who try to fit into the American society, but unfortunately they try too hard. They end up acting out of place, which is embarrassing for them and us Americans too”. Pearl Verma, a student at Rutgers University has had some interesting experiences with fobs. She says “Coming from a male-dominated field, I'm used to getting strange looks from people. What I'm not used to is getting singled out by a row of fobs that look at me like they've never seen a girl before. They're not all bad. Some of them act funny, especially when they try to flirt”. Komal Chandra, a resident of New Jersey, has some choicest advice for such characters: “Fobby men, please do not objectify women and don’t think asking personal questions is appropriate because it’s not. And paying a little attention to how we dress has never hurt anyone, right?”
Keeping in mind all the frustrations and complaints against fobs, here is a guide to help you avoid being a cultural embarrassment.
At College/Work
The Indian head nod-shake
Not everyone you will meet on campus or work is your confidante. Your classmates may not like it if you walk up to them and randomly start asking about what they did over the weekend. It is definitely not OK to ask any girl about her personal life, no matter where on the planet you are.
Although it is a common thing to do here in India, while in the US do not drop into anyone’s room unannounced and start gossiping; it will only make them uncomfortable as Americans have a different understanding of privacy and personal space. There is no concept of calling your professors “sir” or “madam”, so just refer to them by their last names and don’t forget to add Mr/Ms as appropriate. It is that simple.
If you work on-campus or are employed full-time, there are some things you need to be careful about…like discussing salaries. We Indians are so used to nosy uncles, aunties, neighbours, cousins, maybe even our maids asking us about our yearly packages that we forget these are rude questions. Do not subject your workmates to such embarrassing interrogations. Also, do not take office supplies home for personal use. Americans will only label it petty thievery. Remember, stationary isn’t that expensive in the US so buy your own pens and pencils.
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Social
By definition, fobs are considered socially awkward in American society. It is considered absolutely fine to smile at strangers and wish them a good day as you pass by. It is not fine to give strangers a creepy smile and ask them to “make fraandsip with you”. Men, if a woman smiles at you that does not mean she is hinting at something. Do not take a polite greeting out of context and start stalking or staring at her. You’ll risk getting arrested. No joke.
I just met you, and this is crazy...but here's my number, so marry me maybe!
Just because American culture is perceived as open and frank, you can’t profess your love to girls after knowing them for half an hour. Or a day. Make that a couple of months. A fob would look at an American girl as a gateway to the glorious Green Card. Relax bro, she is not your ticket to immigration. Period.
Do not consider yourself an authority on India and every related subject. You are not there to represent this billion-strong country and are definitely not the Indian ambassador to the US. The funny thing is fobs discriminate within the Indian population too. Please don’t start the north Indian vs. south Indian debate in front of American friends. They don’t care about that at all. An average American would not be aware of these cultural differences, so it will only represent a bad image of a cultural divide in India.
Fobs also believe they are there because of their intelligence, and others are there because of luck or fraud. A US Visa does not make you superior to the rest of the humanity, so go easy on the arrogance. That means you do not show off to people what great university you are studying at, how complicated your studies are, and assume that others are simply mediocre who will end up working at gas stations. You never know who you are talking to and others may have a higher IQ than yours. Yes, it is possible!
Do not tell people how rich and powerful your father is. No, it will not work in the US at all.
Hygiene
Let's turn the world into a fob fest!
Along with taking bath every day, put on some deodorant too. But be wary of going overboard and bathing in that same deodorant. You don’t want to announce your arrival from a distance of 500 meters, merely by that fragrance. This goes without saying but still should be put down in writing: do not pick your nose in public or even when you are alone, for that matter.
Wearing hawai chappals on campus, to work, to clubs is not OK. Just invest in a good pair of shoes to walk around. But don’t get so attached to your sneakers that you will be wearing them with trousers, saree or salwar-kameez too.
Always tuck your shirts in, never tuck your T-Shirts. Repeat after me – Shirts go in, T-shirts go out. See! It’s not that hard to remember.
Language
Indian accents might get difficult for Americans to understand at first, so speak slowly and carefully. Since you are living in a new culture, it is natural you will pick up the American accent slowly. But don’t start dropping “Er mah gawd” (oh my god!) after one hour of landing in the US. Puneet Sandhu had a piece of advice to give to fobs “Never introduce yourself as ‘Myself xyz’ or ‘My name xyz’. That sounds funny to us Americans.”
But first, let me take a selfie
Disclaimer: This article is meant to be a fun take on the ‘fob life’. All advice is supposed to be taken as constructive criticism. We are not trying to bash Indians, only fobs.
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